Magic Moments

Marriage market. That farce of meeting prospective future brides and grooms. And their families and relatives and friends and foes. That pretentious role-playing of being the demure lass, or the successful lad. The expected hospitality. The search, the extensive never ending ego-shattering search. The despair when time passes and no one clicks and a plus one gets added to one’s age year after year. The nagging words from relatives, the society at large, the cultural pressure. The peer pressure from friends getting engaged. Pangs of guilt ridden envy seeing friends plan their wedding trousseau. And career growth underappreciated by near and dear folks. It’s a lonesome time, solitary existence.   Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any of the above. But I have lived through most, through my friends’ experiences - sad frustrated narratives shared intimately. Looking back, I consider myself lucky and privileged that my parents didn’t focus on marriage until I had a postgraduate degree an...

Let's talk about boundaries. How do we understand and realize our boundaries in a relationship? Parent, sibling, partner, friend- which ever relation might it be, how do we put a finger on what is an excess? How much exactly is too much? Tracking your daughter’s phone without her permission- is it okay or are you over protecting? Or are you crossing a moral boundary of privacy? Calling your partner repetitively in the middle of the night to ramble your emotional dilemmas, without a bother about his/her sleep cycle and health- isn’t it a misplaced sense of entitlement? It’s a child’s behaviour, seeking attention and importance, in my opinion. Imposing on your friend, seeking more of her time than she can spare, since she has to go back home to her partner, are your boundaries in their right place? The more you justify your behaviour, the more you are at fault. A person plays a lot of roles- someone’s child, sibling, roommate, and so on. He’s an individual too. We have to set ...

Mussoorie I don’t know what to write about. Well, there is a lot to write about though. The month of December 2018 brought in so many new experiences in my life, that I ought to write about them. But I don’t know where to begin. Well, for one, I am afraid. I am afraid that the tumultuous emotions that I have been long evading, ignoring, shutting out could overwhelm me before I could even attempt to put them in words coherently. I am afraid that the more I try to reason things, make sense of events that occurred, the more I would confuse myself. Maybe that’s the reason it has been difficult to write all these days, even when all I wanted to do was write- jot down all those thoughts that trespassed my conscious mind. I still don’t know what to type, where to start, but I’ll make an honest attempt. A vulnerably honest one. The sound of typing feels so familiar. I wonder why I had been away from words and blogging for so long. Certain someone had said that I reside too much i...

My mother hasn’t called me up since last Wednesday. It’s just been two days and I don’t want to sound like a baby in the crib seeking attention, but it’s getting me feeling sad. Away from home and always in this feeling of constant transition has drained me a lot. Friends and well wishers are around but there’s this emotional need that has grown with time and has me craving for home. But what is home anyway? I have grown my own safe haven of familiarities and comforts here in these few months. But still, this feeling persists. ~ On gratitude front I have a lot to talk about.   Last Monday when I and my hostel mate were travelling from Delhi to Dehradun by train, life turned happening. Our AC chair car was stopped at Roorkee station for an uncertain time period. Upon inquiring we found a certain luggage train had derailed and the tracks were being repaired. And it could take hours. Slowly and steadily, by and by, the crowd grew thinner in our berth. Everyone start...

I am so lucky to have people here who appreciate me and acknowledge my presence around them. They barge into my room to help uplift my mood through their laughable banter and the day's comic happenings. They cheer me up when I am down. I truly feel stress relieved around them. Everything seems light, every goal seems achievable at that moment. Such people should be in everyone's life. I have got myself a good study and ideas partner. We are in sync most of the times, discussing further action plans and to do lists. We are not in a hurry to go back to our rooms to sleep, we agree on doing hard work when things demand it, and we share stuff well. I am grateful for this. Conversations are great when the other person talks more than me. I am a great listener but when it comes to conversations, I sometimes struggle to keep it going. With her, it is always free-flowing.  Though I don't like spending time on social media that much, chats these days have become a ...

I have always been the one to leave first. Be it luck or circumstance, it has always been this way. Some of the times it has been my decision to venture out of my comfort zone first before all my peers decide to do the same and I am left behind, alone in the old world. The decisions are out of fear of being left alone, most of the times. Or is it self-preservation instead?  I am a person who takes time to adapt, make new friends, get accustomed to new surroundings- an unlikely one to leave first- yet I do. You might think me selfish, but I am just afraid, and I decide to take care of myself first. Some might see this as a major risk-taking attitude, but I mostly see it as fleeing before the 'desertion' hits me instead. Now that's a strong word indeed. I am always in search of safe ground, always so insecure and calculating my moves lest I end up being alone on the island. Paranoiac. Several things bother me at once. What if my peers get on with their lives leavi...

Source : Quotefancy "When the ego dies, the soul awakes." - Mahatma Gandhi Why do you have such a huge ego? You cannot wear your family's name on your sleeve as an identity forever. The world wouldn't see you through the eyes of your parents who have pampered you so much for the better part of your life. Here in the real world, you will get what you give. Respect begets respect. Selfishness begets selfishness. Hate begets hate. And your 'i don't care', 'i don't give a damn', 'i am paying money for that', 'i will do as I please' attitude will give you the same. Respect is earned. Agreed. But you should give it first to earn it back. The other person should and must be respected by default despite his class, caste, job and family background, until and unless he proves unworthy of it with time. I stand strongly by this belief. There can be no excuse for disregard. The way you speak to me about people tells m...

Maggi Point (No Filters) - The view is far far better than this capture Mango Orchard It happens for a reason. Everything. I truly believe this adage. The people that are around me today, with whom I spend my time, share my thoughts and life experiences have come to my life in this phase for a reason. I hope I learn from their perspective of life and also give them food for thought in their day to day life situations. I don't know where from I got this energy to walk 3.5 km from hostel to the Maggi point to watch the sunset view. Whenever we were tired and asked her how far it was, she said it was just near the next turning. The last turning didn't come for the next half an hour. I was nearly exhausted by the walk but it was all so worth it. Like trekking. And the sun made patterns of yellow and red on the far-off mountains before setting down changing the hues to dark green. It was beautiful. Mesmerizing indeed. And I couldn't believe such a sight w...

I watched TVF's recently released dramedy 'Yeh Meri Family' after reading a tweet about it. Then when I was in the second episode a friend recommended it to me just the moment I was about to recommend the same to her. Just like telepathy. Then, I knew this adorable story of a 12-year-old Harshu and his family in The Summer of '98 was a very special one. Being a 90's kid, I could relate to each and every detail in the series. The siblings' fights were exactly similar down to the very argument on who had to bring the clothes from the terrace and who had to fill up the water bottles and put them in the fridge. How often as kids, we thought our parents are so uncool till that moment when we realized otherwise!  "Papa cool dikhte nahi, Papa cool hain." Planning with friends, being the obedient one when parents fight, and sneaking around the kitchen to find something to eat- this web series took me back to my childhood and relive it all. ...

View from the terrace of my hostel (No Filter used in any image in this post) July has been a special month for me. Not just because it is my birthday month, but because many new beginnings, many fresh starts, and many turning points of my life have happened in July. It's mid of the year when I have looked back at what the year was like for the first six months and have anticipated and dreamt about the coming six months. Goals and resolutions are reviewed in July. Forest Research Institute, Dehradun These initial days of college are all about fun, making interactions, creating friendships and increasing your network. It's less on course works and assignments. So we are trying to take full advantage of it. I have made a few friends at the hostel too, most of them are my juniors, with a huge age gap. But the good news is none of us can feel this gap. We visited the Forest Research Institute this weekend. It was a good trip. I stopped at almost every tree to take...

"Every Moment Was You" (Letters in not so chronological order. Ramblings mostly.) There will be a time when I am gone, when I have moved away and moved on. May be you will miss me. May be you will remember the days we spent together- the fun and frolic. But even then, you will gossip about me, the same way as you do now. You will gossip behind my back as if I am some mundane commodity, a purpose of your laughters and entertainment. You will speak about me, my life- the tit-bits and tattle-tales, with the purpose of entertaining others and yourself. For having some more laughs in a day- Laughter is the best vacation after all. You don’t care it now, and you won’t care it then if I told you the umpteenth time that I don’t enjoy being talked about behind my back. My life stories are not yours to tell. You know my vulnerabilities and you take advantage of it without hesitation. May be I am just that to you- an entertaining story. You didn’t think of protecting my wea...

It is human nature to dwell in the past, worry about the future and forget all about the present. I still miss the days spent in Hyderabad. I miss the study schedules, eating out, street shopping, and the city tours. I miss the roads, the townships and the metros. But I clearly remember that I just wanted the days to pass quickly so that I could return home, while I was there. And today I miss the view from the terrace of the ladies hostel we stayed in, the floral decorations with chalk, colors and flowers, the flower market, the abundance of curd during lunch hours, the constant ‘amma’ recitals by our wardens and so much more. One of the highlights of the hostel life in Hyderabad at Sri Kamali was queuing up for tea, puri and dosa during breakfast time, and then hurrying to secure a chair the very next moment. And conversations and complaints flowed unhindered during these hours in many languages at once- the most prominent ones being Telugu, Kannada, Malayalam, Marathi and...

I can't believe it's already May. 2018 is going faster than I thought. And as months pass by I feel the need to write about all that has been, all that is going to be and all that won't ever be. It's a way to document and curate my journey through life. So today I chose to write down about all that I am grateful for in the month of April, joining in the blog hop and hashtag party organized by Vidya in her blog here. Firstly, I successfully completed the A To Z blogging challenge this time. Last year I had given up midway through the craziness and fun. This was the second time I survived the marathon of continuous writing, reading, sharing and interacting. It was hectic, yes, but so much fun. The high I would get every morning seeing so many comments in my blog posts, and reading and commenting on so many other amazing blogs is beyond comparison. Sisters!! :D I interacted a lot on Twitter this time, and I declare it's my favorite social media channel. ...