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Truth be told, I miss you...

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She didn’t reply to my ‘good night, sweet dreams’. She didn’t say ‘ditto’. Just switched off the lights and covered her face with the blanket. Perhaps this time she was not going to forgive and forget. She hadn’t talked with me for the whole day. Didn’t ask me for water, didn’t send me to fetch the newspaper, and didn’t even ask me to answer the door. I didn’t like her not commanding me. I missed her. Next day too was the same. We were getting ready for a party. She didn’t ask me to move aside when I was brushing my hair, or applying kohl. No competition this time. She didn’t show her distaste to my wacky nail polish designs, while she painted her nail baby pink. She wore a pink and purple salwar suit inspite of my suggestions to wear the white one. She looked beautiful, as usual. ‘This dress looks awesome on you,’ I tried to start a conversation for the tenth time. Again, no reply. She didn’t even ask me if her hair looked good. She asked Mom. Should I just say sorry? N...
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Queeristan by Parmesh Sahani

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  Queeristan (Amazon Link) Thanks to Audible Free Trial I listened to this amazing non-fiction on LGBTQ inclusion in Indian workplaces. Author Parmesh Sahani identifies as gay Indian, working closely with Godrej higher management and employees for years to create an inclusive workplace, both legally and in spirit. This book is a result of those years of experience, research, collaboration with individuals from difference spectrum of the society and organizations who has successfully transitioned into a queer friendly one.   Indian history is inclusive. From the Khajuraho temple architectures, to Konark to the Rig Veda, there is existing proofs even 2000 years ago of Indian inclusiveness of queer. It’s the draconian British law that criminalised it, which was scraped in 2009, came into effect once again following a sad judgement in 2013 and eventually was scraped off for good in 2018. I am in awe of the lawyers who fought this legal battle- colleagues and partners – Arundh...
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The One To Leave First

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I have always been the one to leave first. Be it luck or circumstance, it has always been this way. Some of the times it has been my decision to venture out of my comfort zone first before all my peers decide to do the same and I am left behind, alone in the old world. The decisions are out of fear of being left alone, most of the times. Or is it self-preservation instead?  I am a person who takes time to adapt, make new friends, get accustomed to new surroundings- an unlikely one to leave first- yet I do. You might think me selfish, but I am just afraid, and I decide to take care of myself first. Some might see this as a major risk-taking attitude, but I mostly see it as fleeing before the 'desertion' hits me instead. Now that's a strong word indeed. I am always in search of safe ground, always so insecure and calculating my moves lest I end up being alone on the island. Paranoiac. Several things bother me at once. What if my peers get on with their lives leavi...
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F.R.I.E.N.D.S

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I had expected to be bored thinking it to be some over-the-top comedy and quit watching this midway. I had not expected to be sucked into their lives, in upstate Manhattan, and feel their life change over the ten seasons so personally. Ten years in the lives of these characters. And this attachment to that apartment. I had not expected that this sitcom that had been airing globally for ten long years, to not at all be ‘over-hyped’. I wish I had set aside my judgement and for once watched this during my college days. It would have been such a cherished experience. It would have validated all the emotions of those days. Watching the six friends’ personal trajectory from Season 1 to 10, over the ten years, through ten Thanksgivings and Christmases and Hanukah, was such a pleasure. I never knew I could enjoy comedy, and in comes Chandler. I remember how in the first few episodes, I couldn’t even remember their names, and now they feel as real and relatable as any other person. We all h...
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When Breathe Becomes Air

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It was towards the end of the book that I realized that this is almost an unfinished manuscript. But still it feels complete in itself. I was constantly wondering throughout why this book is so short. He is an amazing writer and you know that when you hear his thoughts while reading the book - his narrative - his writing style just reveal his love for poetry, literature, philosophy and spirituality. It was striking that he had persistently wondered about death- the meaning of life- its purpose throughout his growing up years, even while choosing a career. And even after he was first diagnosed with lung cancer, he did the same.   "Literature not only illuminated another's experience, it provided, I believed, the richest material for moral reflection." - on the love for literature.   Paul draws the difference between a job and a calling, something you are meant to do for the world in the limited span of your mortal life, in the first few chapters as a Doctor, before h...
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I Am Rooted, But I Flow

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Some weekends are about poetry analysis or paraphrasing with my sister and pondering over philosophical ideas and spiritual discourses. Today was one of such days. Nothing cliché about it, it is just something we sisters thoroughly enjoy and connect deeply with. I would like to share with you some of the profound thoughts I read in The Speaking Tree someday. “A dimension beyond physicality has infused itself into this wonderful mechanism that human body is. This dimension is the very source of life. It is this that truly makes us who we are. This is why human beings seem to live in a constant struggle between the physical and the dimension beyond. Though you have the compulsiveness of the physical, you also have the consciousness of being more than just physical. There are two basic forces. Most people see them as being in conflict. One is the instinct of self-preservation, which compels you to build walls around yourself . The other is the constant desire to ex...
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Before Sunrise: A Timeless Tribute To Conversations

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Source: Spiritualityandpractice One Friday evening, as I was feeling a bit lonely and homesick with nothing much to do, not even strolling on the terrace viewing the ever so beautiful mountains since it was raining hard- thus it also contributing to my gloomy mood, I decided to watch Before Sunrise. Yes, once again. A first for me. I rarely re-watch a movie. Yearning for a light-hearted yet meaningful conversation this was the best choice I had. My hostel mates were out in the city and all the people I called up were busy. Luck by chance. Thanks to the superb uninterrupted internet connection I had a great 1 hour 40 minutes that evening. "Experiencing the otherworldly. When morning comes, we would all turn into pumpkins." Even though it sounds like a cliche today, unplanned trips, adventures in life, serendipity and providence are romantic. Before Sunrise has all of these, when strangers indulge in light conversations, grow intrigued about each other's live...
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Movies on Murder Mysteries

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It doesn't seem engaging at first. Seems to have a rather slow start. Not moving fast enough. Not thrilling enough. But you sit through the first hour, registering the numerous characters in your head. Each of them seems to have had the reason to commit the murder. Most belong to the same family, that makes it certain that it is indeed an insider's job. You think it through yourself, as the police and detective does in the movie. You are being taken on a ride. But just as you try to decide to quit watching, something is revealed, piquing your interest. Then something else comes up, making you question your own deductions so far. Then you are hooked. Glued to the screen. It is thrilling, the second half. And the end seems satisfactory, explaining all the open ended questions you have had through the watch. That is an awesome amazing thriller for me. Since a few days, I have been hung up on thriller movies. Can't get enough of those. Starting from 'who-dunnit' flicks ...
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Burst That Ego If You Want Genuine Connections In Life

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Source : Quotefancy "When the ego dies, the soul awakes." - Mahatma Gandhi Why do you have such a huge ego? You cannot wear your family's name on your sleeve as an identity forever. The world wouldn't see you through the eyes of your parents who have pampered you so much for the better part of your life. Here in the real world, you will get what you give. Respect begets respect. Selfishness begets selfishness. Hate begets hate. And your 'i don't care', 'i don't give a damn', 'i am paying money for that', 'i will do as I please' attitude will give you the same. Respect is earned. Agreed. But you should give it first to earn it back. The other person should and must be respected by default despite his class, caste, job and family background, until and unless he proves unworthy of it with time. I stand strongly by this belief. There can be no excuse for disregard. The way you speak to me about people tells m...
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