Magic Moments

Mussoorie I don’t know what to write about. Well, there is a lot to write about though. The month of December 2018 brought in so many new experiences in my life, that I ought to write about them. But I don’t know where to begin. Well, for one, I am afraid. I am afraid that the tumultuous emotions that I have been long evading, ignoring, shutting out could overwhelm me before I could even attempt to put them in words coherently. I am afraid that the more I try to reason things, make sense of events that occurred, the more I would confuse myself. Maybe that’s the reason it has been difficult to write all these days, even when all I wanted to do was write- jot down all those thoughts that trespassed my conscious mind. I still don’t know what to type, where to start, but I’ll make an honest attempt. A vulnerably honest one. The sound of typing feels so familiar. I wonder why I had been away from words and blogging for so long. Certain someone had said that I reside too much i...

I am so lucky to have people here who appreciate me and acknowledge my presence around them. They barge into my room to help uplift my mood through their laughable banter and the day's comic happenings. They cheer me up when I am down. I truly feel stress relieved around them. Everything seems light, every goal seems achievable at that moment. Such people should be in everyone's life. I have got myself a good study and ideas partner. We are in sync most of the times, discussing further action plans and to do lists. We are not in a hurry to go back to our rooms to sleep, we agree on doing hard work when things demand it, and we share stuff well. I am grateful for this. Conversations are great when the other person talks more than me. I am a great listener but when it comes to conversations, I sometimes struggle to keep it going. With her, it is always free-flowing.  Though I don't like spending time on social media that much, chats these days have become a ...

I have always been the one to leave first. Be it luck or circumstance, it has always been this way. Some of the times it has been my decision to venture out of my comfort zone first before all my peers decide to do the same and I am left behind, alone in the old world. The decisions are out of fear of being left alone, most of the times. Or is it self-preservation instead?  I am a person who takes time to adapt, make new friends, get accustomed to new surroundings- an unlikely one to leave first- yet I do. You might think me selfish, but I am just afraid, and I decide to take care of myself first. Some might see this as a major risk-taking attitude, but I mostly see it as fleeing before the 'desertion' hits me instead. Now that's a strong word indeed. I am always in search of safe ground, always so insecure and calculating my moves lest I end up being alone on the island. Paranoiac. Several things bother me at once. What if my peers get on with their lives leavi...

Source : Quotefancy "When the ego dies, the soul awakes." - Mahatma Gandhi Why do you have such a huge ego? You cannot wear your family's name on your sleeve as an identity forever. The world wouldn't see you through the eyes of your parents who have pampered you so much for the better part of your life. Here in the real world, you will get what you give. Respect begets respect. Selfishness begets selfishness. Hate begets hate. And your 'i don't care', 'i don't give a damn', 'i am paying money for that', 'i will do as I please' attitude will give you the same. Respect is earned. Agreed. But you should give it first to earn it back. The other person should and must be respected by default despite his class, caste, job and family background, until and unless he proves unworthy of it with time. I stand strongly by this belief. There can be no excuse for disregard. The way you speak to me about people tells m...

Maggi Point (No Filters) - The view is far far better than this capture Mango Orchard It happens for a reason. Everything. I truly believe this adage. The people that are around me today, with whom I spend my time, share my thoughts and life experiences have come to my life in this phase for a reason. I hope I learn from their perspective of life and also give them food for thought in their day to day life situations. I don't know where from I got this energy to walk 3.5 km from hostel to the Maggi point to watch the sunset view. Whenever we were tired and asked her how far it was, she said it was just near the next turning. The last turning didn't come for the next half an hour. I was nearly exhausted by the walk but it was all so worth it. Like trekking. And the sun made patterns of yellow and red on the far-off mountains before setting down changing the hues to dark green. It was beautiful. Mesmerizing indeed. And I couldn't believe such a sight w...

View from the terrace of my hostel (No Filter used in any image in this post) July has been a special month for me. Not just because it is my birthday month, but because many new beginnings, many fresh starts, and many turning points of my life have happened in July. It's mid of the year when I have looked back at what the year was like for the first six months and have anticipated and dreamt about the coming six months. Goals and resolutions are reviewed in July. Forest Research Institute, Dehradun These initial days of college are all about fun, making interactions, creating friendships and increasing your network. It's less on course works and assignments. So we are trying to take full advantage of it. I have made a few friends at the hostel too, most of them are my juniors, with a huge age gap. But the good news is none of us can feel this gap. We visited the Forest Research Institute this weekend. It was a good trip. I stopped at almost every tree to take...

"Every Moment Was You" (Letters in not so chronological order. Ramblings mostly.) There will be a time when I am gone, when I have moved away and moved on. May be you will miss me. May be you will remember the days we spent together- the fun and frolic. But even then, you will gossip about me, the same way as you do now. You will gossip behind my back as if I am some mundane commodity, a purpose of your laughters and entertainment. You will speak about me, my life- the tit-bits and tattle-tales, with the purpose of entertaining others and yourself. For having some more laughs in a day- Laughter is the best vacation after all. You don’t care it now, and you won’t care it then if I told you the umpteenth time that I don’t enjoy being talked about behind my back. My life stories are not yours to tell. You know my vulnerabilities and you take advantage of it without hesitation. May be I am just that to you- an entertaining story. You didn’t think of protecting my wea...

It is human nature to dwell in the past, worry about the future and forget all about the present. I still miss the days spent in Hyderabad. I miss the study schedules, eating out, street shopping, and the city tours. I miss the roads, the townships and the metros. But I clearly remember that I just wanted the days to pass quickly so that I could return home, while I was there. And today I miss the view from the terrace of the ladies hostel we stayed in, the floral decorations with chalk, colors and flowers, the flower market, the abundance of curd during lunch hours, the constant ‘amma’ recitals by our wardens and so much more. One of the highlights of the hostel life in Hyderabad at Sri Kamali was queuing up for tea, puri and dosa during breakfast time, and then hurrying to secure a chair the very next moment. And conversations and complaints flowed unhindered during these hours in many languages at once- the most prominent ones being Telugu, Kannada, Malayalam, Marathi and...

I can't believe it's already May. 2018 is going faster than I thought. And as months pass by I feel the need to write about all that has been, all that is going to be and all that won't ever be. It's a way to document and curate my journey through life. So today I chose to write down about all that I am grateful for in the month of April, joining in the blog hop and hashtag party organized by Vidya in her blog here. Firstly, I successfully completed the A To Z blogging challenge this time. Last year I had given up midway through the craziness and fun. This was the second time I survived the marathon of continuous writing, reading, sharing and interacting. It was hectic, yes, but so much fun. The high I would get every morning seeing so many comments in my blog posts, and reading and commenting on so many other amazing blogs is beyond comparison. Sisters!! :D I interacted a lot on Twitter this time, and I declare it's my favorite social media channel. ...

There's a thought. A thought that germinated in many minds around the world including mine. A thought that has been ridiculed, humiliated, and questioned numerous times in history. It has also been validated and proved innumerable times. A thought that believes in divinity of art. That art is the essence of life, art is power and more. And most importantly, Art is NOT just an escape. We are connected by the invisible string of that thought. And I here invite believers and non believers in the exploration of art and the world encompassed by it. Art is meant to be imperfection personified. What is art if it is just another word for perfectionism? What is art if it does not cry out from the depth of your soul, echoing inside your mind incessantly till either your mind bursts or it is expressed out in some form. What is art if not a question. If not an expression of emotion. If not an outlet for Chaos. Liberation of thoughts that taunt your psyche. Outlet for grief and gr...

Ruminations of a probable Scopophobic ( Source ) Some people have an uncanny knack of looking through you. You cannot hide your thoughts, the workings of your mind from them. Your innermost ruminations are known to them. Your deepest desires are seen by them clearly. They just need to have an eye contact and they can see you. The real you. You can't get away with pretense. You cannot disguise in front of them. You cannot be safe in your fake cocoon when they are around. You are being watched.

We fit ourselves in the new shoe. The feet adjust to contain themselves within its boundary through the pain of shoe   bites in   the first wear. Else, the shoe changes its shape according to our feet. In a new surrounding, is it us who become attuned to the team, the workings of the group, the fraternity. Is it us who adjust our own frequency to match that of the people around us, or is it vice versa? Does the group get accustomed to us? Or is it both ways, each trying to match the others’ thought process, deciding factors, opinions, and views until all eventually fit in the same   mould. Is this the science of belonging? We attune our lives according to the natural frequency of our surroundings. Then we adjust to change. If we protest or fight against change- the workings of our peripheries- it hurts us. We, humans, are similar to the musical instrument that needs tuning depending on who is playing it, for which type of music. Do we make the patt...

Source: Pinterest There's something very intimate and personal about someone touching your hair , and especially washing your long tresses. It is awkward and a bit bothersome sometimes. It seems closed, uncharted territory. In the salon or parlor this seems the most natural thing in the world, but outside the doors, touching the hair needs more familiarity than just permission. This has been going on in my mind since yesterday morning after I had had hair spa. There's also something deep and personal about someone combing your hair . Just this simple act can bring even strangers together, at least that's what I think. It gives you- the person with the comb, a protective instinct- an empathy, towards the other person. It's strange yet connecting. And the other person does allow you to make her feel safe and secure. My mother and I bond over hair massages and combing. My sister gets immensely excited when I let her experiment hair styles, especially do hair pla...

Where would I be going? What is my long term plan for my blog? Truly speaking I had not even thought about that, until yesterday morning, when I read the blog post suggestions for day three of #UBC. I lack vision, I realized. On further thought, not only in blogosphere, but also in my life – I lack vision. I lack long term goals. All I have are short term goals, at most for a year. The best ones were AtoZ challenges where we had to choose a theme and plan our blog posts for a whole month. And yes- book reading challenges by Goodreads, where I had to read as many books as I could get my hands on. Looking back, they were great, but not that promising to be called a vision. So, I need to sit with my ‘to-do’ lists and my diary and plan my days ahead. A blogging calendar would help, I think. Resolutions don’t work for me. When I plunge into something with full excitement, energy and a mind bubbling and bursting with ideas- it all fizzles away within a few days. I get bored once ...

I can perhaps pick up vibes and aura of the people around me- as if I am a sponge. I just tend to know who thinks what about me. I just know who dislikes me, disgusts me, hates me, likes me, loves me, bears contempt for me, is jealous of me, is surprised/ intrigued/ annoyed or disappointed by me. I hate it. I hate this knowing. It makes me so uncomfortable. It is to my advantage, I know, but still, it is so uncomfortable and sad. Every time I get that look from my current teammate, I can sense his mocking dislike and absolute ignorance of me, even from the farthest end of the floor. It makes me question my own identity, my importance, and whether I am that negligible. This feeling of a fleeting moment enlarges inside my mind and results in an entire day of discomfort. I don’t know any way of detachment, other than ignoring it altogether, which is very difficult. A cry break does me good, but the chain of events repeat themselves again some other day. Maybe it’s because I...

There are relationships which do not fit into the clear cut definitions by humans. They are earthly and yet divine in their own way. They may make us feel grounded, yet fill our being with throbbing love. Such are some of the relationships in life, that may not stay forever, but the moments teach us a thousand lessons till eternity. We miss those days, remember those lost times, but do we realize life has already changed for the better. Life before we made acquaintance with them, and life after, is different. We’ve grown, immensely. Between those times and now, life has bestowed many a gift. We have matured. Memories have lingered on with time, will linger whenever we chance upon a photo or a curio, a message, a wish, a dream. 

Google Images Arjun (Siddharth Malhotra) was asked by Tia(Alia Bhatt) what would be the one line that he would leave for the world- the line on his tombstone for people to read and remember him. ‘ Akhri baar likh raha hun, hosake toh kahani yaad rakhna’- ‘Here I am writing for the last time, if possible do remember my story,’ was Arjun’s reply. We wanted to create magic with his words, write novels, and fulfill this one true passion. Yesterday we had a project party after watching ‘Udta Punjab’ at Inox. While interacting with one of the team mates, with whom I had worked for a couple of months, I got to know about her passion. She painted, had so many beautiful canvases in her collection. I had no idea about it. She had held an art exhibition in Odisha with a friend and had also participated in international art exhibitions held in Hyderabad. So damn impressive! On being asked since when she pursued this passion of hers so seriously, she replied it was just a few years tha...