CityScapes & The First Frost

There is something about the cityscapes – the tiny lights dotting the horizon, skyscrapers, multiplexes, public parks and traffic.

I am always reminded of my days in Mumbai when I watched The First Frost. I am having this phase where I rewatch my comfort dramas instead of exploring new ones. Hometown Cha Cha Cha is done, now I am revisiting The First Frost. As the title song begins and takes us through glimpses of the past and the present in the characters’ lives, it resonates deep within, I am reminded of my high school years (pre-internet era where we would just play Solitaire, Mario, Dave, Aladdin, and Minesweeper on Windows desktop) and my life in Mumbai. City life especially life in a metropolis as a single woman with family living miles away is melancholic, solitary, interspersed with occasional outing with friends, office dinner parties with colleagues, and some travel opportunities. Daily life is un-phenomenal, routine, sometimes a bit of drudgery having existential questions troubling the mind – where I am headed, what am I doing, when does it change – monotonous, in need of something to anchor oneself to.

As humans we crave connection, a soul to talk to freely, when family devotes only five to ten minutes to calls every evening. We crave Instagram notifications, WhatsApp pings, and a thread of human touch. There is sadness, not deep, but persistent while doing daily chores, getting ready for office, having lunch in the cafeteria, living the city life. We don’t feel at home in this place, physically away from old friends and family, digitally busy as all are busy in their own lives, and unable to make new friends as adults. Navigating workplace politics, judging how much open we should be with colleagues, adjusting routine with a roommate and in a PG is exhausting. How to ignore and move away from the toxicity, the constant bickering, the apathy? And if one is not brave enough to explore dating apps, encountering love seems impossible. It is isolating. And even a ‘hi’ from an old acquaintance can make one happy for the day. An hour-long conversation with an old friend can feed our soul for the entire week. They rightly coined the term loneliness epidemic.

When faced with a taxing situation, we bottle it in, instead of sharing with family as they wouldn’t understand or might be too bothered, or with old friends as they might be too busy. The act of dialing someone when needed is extinct, we now message them to see their availability and then proceed to call. We try to ignore the feelings the stress of the situation as much as possible, willing it to go away once we sleep the night. Or we cry ourselves to sleep. Sometimes we write in out in our Notes app, or journal, and wallow in doomscrolling or OTT. We add on to calories having chocolate or chicken nuggets from roadside Mio Amore. We wish certain action of ours causes a butterfly effect and makes our days worth waiting for, something to look forward to.

There’s a New Year countdown and fireworks scene in The First Frost, where our female protagonist Wei Yifan can’t think of anything that the new year would change. Celebrations of birthdays and New Years then tended to fill me with the same feeling – what is different? What to look forward to? What will change in life. And as an old love entered her life – Sang Yan, so did my now husband sneakily, slowly but there to stay. Similarities are many between them– figuring out why it didn’t work earlier, why all communication stopped, why such restraint, hoping though guarded of one’s emotions that it would work this time around. Trying to have hope when it was thwarted years ago. Love is never linear, never easy, how can one afford such vulnerability. The foray into a new relationship is so intimidating, there’s always this urge to make the run when anything gets overwhelming. It’s such a risk. Another human in your personal space. Parents do not understand how lonesome city life is, can’t blame them, they are of a different generation. How alone you feel among all friends now graduated to coupledom.

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